Hello! Hope you’re having a good start to your week.
I’ve spent the last week very happily tucked away in our little newborn bubble with Cecilia, and I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever stared at another human this much in my life.
Her facial expressions absolutely kill me because why does someone who has been alive for approximately five minutes already have so many opinions? I’m very much soaking it all up and still cannot quite believe she’s actually here.
Also, thank you so much for all the lovely messages about the Future Self Series. Roxie kicked us off last week, and I’m so happy you’re loving it because we have some very exciting substitute teachers lined up over the next 12 weeks. This week, Jemma Sbeg is back (!!) and we’re getting into how the decisions we make in our 20s can end up shaping our 30s, 40s and beyond, but without the shame that normally comes with that whole conversation. Despite just giving birth to a literal child, I’m very against the idea that you need to have somehow “completed life” by 30 (whatever that means), so this is much more about working out what actually matters to you and how you make decisions your future self will thank you for.
And, as always, Jemma came armed with studies upon studies to back everything up. I’ll link them all and extra bits below so you can go down the rabbit hole yourself.
So, as I said, this week’s episode with Jemma covered how to make the big decisions that can shape your future, and how to actually trust yourself enough to make them. This was one of my favourite quotes from the episode:
“You are not locked into one decision just because it feels permanent right now. The same way you had the freedom to take the current leap of faith, you’re going to continue to have that freedom for future leaps of faith. You don’t just have one shot.”
Jemma bought studies to back up everything, so if you’re interested in reading them, I’ve pulled together all the research she references below, plus the exercises she recommends for actually working out what your next move should be and following through with it.
Jemma also sent me an exercise for you to try this week called The Rule of Three. The idea is that when a big decision suddenly creates an enormous list of things you need to do, you only let yourself focus on three tasks at a time. You don’t add another three until those are done, which basically stops the whole thing from becoming so overwhelming that you end up doing none of it.
I’ve put Jemma’s full exercise into a worksheet for you here, which you can download, print off and fill in yourself!
Also, if you haven’t watched the full episode yet, I’ve dropped it below.
I think the biggest thing here is realising that loving your family and being constantly available to them are not the same thing. As you get older and build a life of your own, your priorities naturally change, and that doesn’t mean you suddenly care about your parents any less.
I’d also really question some of those “rules”. Do your parents call their parents every 2-3 days? Do they see them every few weeks? Sometimes these expectations have existed for so long that nobody actually stops to ask whether they’re reasonable anymore.
I think you probably do need to have a slightly uncomfortable conversation and say, “I love you, but I need to be able to call and visit because I want to, not because I’m scared of upsetting you if I don’t.” They might not love the boundary initially, but that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong boundary. You’re allowed to build a relationship with your family that works for your adult life too.
Completely unintentionally, I’ve managed to create an entire Future Self Series and invite only ONE man onto it. I’ll leave a clue below for you to work out who it could be!!
I hope you have a wonderful week & I’ll see you very soon,
