I’m now six weeks postpartum (how?!), and I’ve been wanting to sit down and write this for a while.
Basically, before I had my baby, so much of what I saw online about the newborn stage was negative. It was all “say goodbye to sleep,” horror stories, and people warning you that your life is basically over. I’m not pretending it isn’t very hard (and that’s as someone with a supportive partner and financial stability). But I found that when I was preparing for our baby to arrive, what I actually needed wasn’t more fear. I needed the practical stuff no one tells you and positivity, delivered by someone who isn’t trying to scare you.
So for full context: I’m a first-time mum, and prior to getting pregnant I did not speak baby. I don’t have loads of friends with babies either, so there was no big group chat of mums to ask, just a few (very amazing and patient) friends. Most of what I knew came from them, NCT classes, books and the internet.
So this is the list I wish someone had handed me before Cecilia arrived of the things I learned in the first 24 to 48 hours. Even though I did a full course of NCT classes and obviously did a lot of research, these still took me by surprise. I kept thinking, “Hmm, I feel like I should know this.” If you’re about to have your first baby and you also feel like you don’t know babies at all, hopefully this helps!
(And because it’s not all hard bits, I’ve also added my pleasant surprises from the newborn trenches at the end.)
1. Newborns eat every two to three hours (even if you have to wake them)
Newborns need to eat every two to three hours, whether that’s breast milk, formula or a combination. And even if they sleep through it, they should still be eating every two to three hours. Until they’ve regained their birth weight, their stomachs are teeny tiny. What can happen is that their blood sugar drops too low for them to give themselves the signal to wake up and say, “I’m hungry, please give me some milk.” So you actually have to wake them up.
We were very lucky that at the beginning, we got a baby who literally just slept and did nothing else. Most people who met her in the first week didn’t even know her eyes could open. I was like, “Oh my God, amazing. This is ideal.” But I’m so glad someone told me I could wake her up, otherwise I wouldn’t have!
Also, at the beginning, if your body is producing colostrum, it actually keeps them fuller for longer (more on that in the pleasant surprises bit below). But even so, once I knew this new fact, I didn’t want to risk it.
2. Go over safe sleep again (and again)
We learned this in NCT, and I kind of forgot about it until I was actually doing it in practice. Right after she was born, I went back over the safe sleep guidelines to make sure we were always following them. There’s so much you see online, and not all of it is actually safe sleep.
The Lullaby Trust has some really clear guidelines. These are the ones I wrote down for me to remember:
On their back, always.
Nothing else in the cot. No toys, no loose sheets, no loose blankets.
A firm, flat surface with a fitted sheet, so nothing super soft.
Feet to foot. Their feet should be at the base of the cot. This matters most if there are any blankets in there, but I put her feet to foot anyway, just in case a blanket fell from the high heavens and decided to come for my child.
Check the back of their neck if you need to check their temperature. I’ve also got a little printout that shows how much they should be wearing at different room temperatures.
There are loads of pillows and cot bumpers out there. Even our interior designers put a cot bumper in the nursery design, and I would never have known it wasn’t a thing if I hadn’t looked at the guidelines.
3. Zip-up swaddles are a lifesaver
This totally depends on whether your baby likes them, but mine has absolutely loved the zip-up Love to Dream swaddles. We didn’t take them to the hospital, and I really wish we had.
I found them so much less overwhelming. It just zips all the way up, rather than having to learn how to swaddle properly and then worrying something’s going to come loose.
4. They are SO noisy when they sleep
Nobody warned me about this. You’ll look at them like, “Are you awake? What is wrong with you?” They grunt, squeak and wheeze. They basically turn into little goats, especially if they’re in their own bassinet, which is where ours has slept from the start.
So before you pick them up to settle them, have a proper look and check they’re actually awake, a lot of the time, they’re fast asleep, just making ridiculous noises.
5. Nappies tell you if they’re getting enough milk
Back to feeding. Newborns feed roughly 8 to 12 times a day, and at the beginning I was really stressed about whether she was getting enough.
But it turns out the best way to know whether they’re getting enough is simply the number of wet and dirty nappies.
Here’s what we were told:
First 24 hours: they should do their first poo.
The first few days: the number of poos roughly matches how many days old they are. So one on day one, two on day two, three on day three.
After that: around four to five a day, at least for a breastfed baby early on.
Disclaimer: Your midwife will tell you what to look out for with your own baby, so always go by what they say.
Also, I always thought nappy rash came from the nappy rubbing. It’s actually the poo itself that can literally burn their skin. That’s why they get nappy rash, and why they cry when they’ve got a dirty nappy.
For the first few days, we didn’t always know when she had a dirty nappy, because she just wouldn’t cry. She wasn’t a crier (God bless). So I would say check regularly, even if they seem perfectly happy.
And now, the pleasant surprises
I feel like the internet needs a lot more positivity about going into motherhood, and this is my contribution to that!!
They’re incredibly boring (in the best way)
Newborns are gorgeous, and I love my child so much, but newborns really do not do much. Their wake windows are so short at the beginning, particularly in the first few days. Unless you have a baby who cries all the time (which almost no one in my NCT group had), they sleep the vast majority of the time. Literally all they do is feed, sleep, poo, repeat.
For the first week or so she’d stare at me, I’d stare at her, for her entire 15-minute wake window. There were more than a few moments where we just sat there like, “What do we do now?”
That means that, in theory, you can catch up on more sleep than you’d think. That’s if you’re not too anxious, and especially if you have a support person (husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, whoever). I know it’s very easy to just want to stare at them instead, but use that time for whatever you need. I really didn’t expect to get it and was pleasantly surprised about it.
Their wake windows get slightly longer every week, and that’s the part we found harder. Around three weeks, she got fussier and fussier, and at first you think something’s wrong. It’s just that they’re awake for longer, can’t really do anything with that time, and don’t know how to put themselves to sleep yet. So I’ve been told that more crying when they’re overtired is completely normal.
Colostrum keeps them fuller for longer
This was such a pleasant surprise, because to me it meant more time to catch up on sleep, which I really needed after a middle-of-the-night C-section.
I was still feeding her at least every three to four hours, because I was scared. What if the last feed had just transitioned to milk and she was suddenly really hungry? But even my baby book said that while your colostrum is in, it’s the perfect time to catch up on a bit more sleep, because it keeps them full for a lot longer. I remember being in hospital, telling the staff I needed to feed her because it had been three hours, and them saying, “She’s on colostrum at the moment, she can actually go significantly longer than that.” (But obviously, feed her!)
That book, by the way, is Your Baby Week by Week, and I’d recommend everyone get it. It’s so good to read each week and think, “Okay, this is what’s about to happen, and it’s normal.”
Life on a timer is great for my ADHD
I thought I’d really struggle with days that are just one long stretch and get absolutely nothing done. But due to feeding, my whole life is on a timer now, and timers are great for ADHD brains. Every time I finish a feed, I’m running around doing what I need to do, because I know the clock is ticking until the next one.
The only catch is that it’s not a reliable timer. Sometimes she needs a feed earlier than I expect. You win some, you lose some.
Pumping is way less faff than I expected
I was weirdly worried about pumping. I thought I’d need loads of pump parts and bottles, and that I’d be terrible at the whole system of washing, sterilising and drying, over and over, plus pumping after every feed.
I didn’t start pumping until week three, because I didn’t want to mess with my supply or with establishing breastfeeding. Since then, I’ve been building up a supply so I can go out for an appointment or a meeting, which I’ll need when I go back to work in a few weeks.
Two things made it so much easier:
Put your partner on pump parts duty. Honestly, one of the best things I can tell you. If you can, especially while they’re off work, you should just be feeding the baby. That is a full-time job, and they should be doing everything else, including the pump parts. Just because something goes on your boobs doesn’t mean it’s only yours to deal with. The baby goes on your boobs too, and they’re not just yours to deal with either!
You can sterilise with boiling water. I thought every single sterilise would mean running the steriliser for an hour, then stressing if things weren’t ready for the next feed. But you can just wash everything, then boil it in a pan. The NHS says to boil for at least 10 minutes. You can also use Milton sterilising tablets, which is a lot simpler. Now I only use the steriliser about once every 24 hours.
Anyway, those are all my new fun facts! I hope they help if you’re about to have a baby and, like me, feel a little clueless.
Important to say, this is just my experience and not medical advice. Always check with your own doctor, midwife or health visitor! I’ll see you on Tuesday for less baby poo & pumping chat.
